Goodbye to the old, hello to the new!
2017, you’ve been one hell of a year. You’ve beaten me bloody, woke me the hell up, showed me paradise beyond belief, and helped me to finally find true love for my own damn self. Looking back, this is the year that “IT” happened. You know, that indefinable but incredibly tangible feeling that all of the things you’ve been waiting for have finally stepped in motion. Nothing has turned out the way I expected, but everything is so much better than I could ever imagine!
Today is the last day of 2017, and I’m sitting on my couch, my cat sleeping beside me, rabbit snoozing under the bed, and Tom Petty playing in the background… it’s perfect. For some, it may sound boring, but it is the most heavenly experience for me to just be by myself without the need for anything or anyone else. It has taken me my entire life to feel good just being me, letting go of all of the social programming of finding a mate, being social, having boring conversations I never wanted to be a part of, or being anything other than who I am. Tonight, for New Year’s Eve, I’m staying home, by myself, and I may not even stay up until midnight. I’m so fucking excited about it! I finally found that one they’ve all been talking about – the one who will love and support you unconditionally, pick you up when you’re down, tell you you’re beautiful, and remind you how absolutely amazing you are. It’s my own damn self! I’ve been looking at her in the mirror for 32 years and had no idea! I didn’t plan on discovering this, it just happened one day.
The biggest lesson of 2017: Life is what you miss out on when you’re busy planning.
I don’t believe in resolutions – actually, I’ll go one step further and say I hate them. There’s so much stigma and expectation associated with resolutions and new year intentions, and inevitably, a let down when things don’t work out as planned. In my 20’s, I was a major planner, always wanting everything to be organized, keeping track of everything, staying in control. I missed out on so much of my life trying to keep things on track that were meant to fall off the rails. 2017 found my life not only off the rails, but off in an entirely other country in the middle of no where, and thank the gods it happened that way! Had I kept on the track I planned, I’d still be in love with a narcissist, have a business partner that projected their insecurities on me to the point of consistently trying to dim my shine, and I likely wouldn’t have found a new friend who has become like a sister to me. My control and planning would’ve kept me miserable, small, and completely unfulfilled. I wouldn’t have the self love I found the last half of this year, because I would’ve kept on a path that was destructive to my soul, even though I thought at the time that all of those things were so what I wanted and needed. Thankfully, the Universe kicked me in the ass and woke me the fuck up so I could finally see all of these situations for what they really were.
In July I just stopped. I stopped listening to what everyone else said, I stopped pushing things that were making me unhappy, and I stopped forcing myself to get up and move forward when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry. There were several little turning points leading up to this, but July was when life shifted and the healing really began.
This is what I learned and reaffirmed this year:
I hate dating. I’m not interested in searching for the one, and the only reason I seemed to have felt the need to find a partner is because we are programmed, right from the moment we are conceived, to find a partner, and that will bring us happiness. So really, this weird dating thing where no one is really who they are, is really all just programmed behaviour and has nothing to do with what I really want.
My body has changed – a lot – and I’m not just referring to my appearance. My shoulder is more aggravated, my digestive system is trying to right itself, and I may need to get my eyes tested soon as my vision has changed. Though I’m far from old, my body is shifting.
How a person says something is way more important than what a person says. I had so many tough conversations with people I love this year, and the times it hurt me the most is when people threw their bullshit at me, whether intentionally or not. It was a year where I realized how much people, including myself at times, blame their insecurities and difficulties on other people and the actions of others. Pay attention to whether people use “I” or “you” phrases when having emotional conversations. Don’t take the blame for another’s misery, and definitely don’t change yourself for someone not willing to work with you for the betterment of the relationship.
My body is absolutely stunning! I love my body, completely – every single inch of it. It is far from what society would consider the ideal, and that makes me love it even more. Looking the way I do and being happy with it is another big fuck you to the insane system we call civilized society. Never in my life have I felt more beautiful, confident, or sexy in my own skin.
We live in a world of passionate thinkers that lack follow-through. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve sat having these amazing conversations with people who are so passionate about their dreams, and two years later they are having the same conversation with no action put forth. I’m a doer. These people, who sit talk so passionately, have found another form of addiction. They create a dopamine release every time they have these conversations, but the reality is, making your dreams come true is hard. It’s painful. You have to face all the things within yourself that are holding you back. It hurts. So, instead of putting in the work, these people just sit, getting their fix, but never finding lasting fulfilment.
Lastly, and most importantly, I am powerful. I am a spiritual teacher. Part of that is also realizing that I am also forever a student. When I sit in a yoga studio or in front of a group of students or leading a ceremony, I feel all of the power of myself, my ancestors, and spirit coursing through me so abundantly and infinitely. I accept it fully, consciously, and with full responsibility and gratitude. This path is not an easy one to walk. So many say they want to work in the healing fields, but I’ve found few are truly ready to live the life of a healer. It is a life of consistent challenge, intense loss, and exceptionally responsibility and integrity.
For those reading, I encourage you to throw out the rule book, throw out the planner, and welcome all that life has to offer you. Don’t allow practicality to disguise your fear. Take risks, dream big, and go after those dreams like the most courageous warrior! It’s good to fall on your face every once and a while. It’s good to get hurt when you need a wake up call. And when one of those dreams you didn’t even know you were working towards shows up on your doorstep, it’s the most fan-fucking-tastic feeling in the world. The Universe knows. Plan less. Trust more. Honour the process.
2017, you have been nothing I expected and everything I needed. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
2018, I cannot wait to meet you!
Blessed Be! Much love! Happy New Year!
~ The Salt Yogi